Child leaves: Have you experienced a wave of sadness?

January 5, 2010

By Dr. John Stathas Lake Oconee Breeze Tue Jan 05, 2010, 10:38 PM EST

You love your child. You give your heart and soul to him or her in the process of child rearing. The emotions of deep love, occasional disappointment or anger, run deep. After all this is YOUR child!

I would like to focus here on a particular phenomenon. This is related to your adult/child. It is about the emotions felt when your adult/child leaves home to go to college, the military, or to begin a life on his or her own in the work force. Do you remember moving him or her into the dorm or apartment? You now have an empty bedroom — and to some degree an empty heart. That is not to say that there is some relief from the watchful eye and rigors of parenting.

Our son and daughter come to visit us with some regularity. Our son lives in Atlanta, our daughter in Charlotte. Both share busy lives with their respective spouses. We love it when they take time to come and visit with us. We share the experience well — catching up, boating and golfing, special dinners, etc… Time is well spent and flies by.

And then it is time for them to leave. A warm prolonged hug, exchanged “I love yous,” and a final wave. The car pulls out of the driveway, the front door closes. A sad feeling comes over me. Tears well up, as they do now when I write this. I do what I can to stifle this melancholy. It isn’t easy. Part of my heart is in that car that just drove away.

I know that it is not just me feeling this. I’ve exchanged misty eyes with my wife on such occasions. When I have visited my mother I have seen her moistened eyes, which she tries to conceal, and then releases the tears behind the closed door.

I shared my recent experience with my daughter when we met up for dinner not too long ago. Her empathic eyes welled up as she told me she had similar waves of sadness as she drives away. She said we have such a close family and she misses not being with us as often since she moved to Charlotte.

Dear Reader, do you know what I am talking about? Have you experienced this phenomenon? If not you have missed the bittersweet experience that emanates from a loving relationship with your child. If you have had the experience then you know what I am writing about.

The wave of sadness is of short duration usually. Life and emotions move on as the present reality of everyday existence emerges. It is these occasional experiences that remind me, and you, of the deep love we have for our children. We are so fortunate!

—Dr. Stathas is a counseling psychologist, licensed marriage and family Therapist, in the Lake Oconee area. He is the founder of the Stathas Life Development Center. He can be reached at (706) 473-1780. E-mail: Stathas@plantationcable.net Web site: drstathas.googlepages.com.

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