LAKE OCONEE — Every once in a while certain events or situations arise that engender thoughts that I feel might be additive and edifying to you the reader  — and a reminder to myself. “What comes out of your mouth about others” is about what you, and I, say about others. Being mortal imperfect beings most everyone says some things that are hurtful to or about another person. Some people assume it as a life style.

These weekly articles are meant to educate, or remind, you and me that there is room for us to grow as a person. What comes out of our mouth is probably the most obvious way to advertise to others who we are.

Put downs, hurtful comments, slander, negative gossip, crossing the line comments, etc… occasionally mouthed or consistently verbalized, are not reflections of the kind of person most of us aspire to being. We are better than that.

Let’s look at a few scenarios and possible behavioral directions:

1. If you are a person who consistently looks for the flaws in another person and tells others of such findings, consider changing what you are looking for.  Generally those who look for the weakness in another are trying to shore themselves up by putting others down. It is amazing what wonderful qualities most people have if you focus on finding them, rather than looking for the flaw.

2. If you are a person that occasionally “crosses the line” and says things, perhaps in jest, that hurt, embarrass, or disgust another, take a peek in the mirror.  Every person has  unique sensitivities that reflect how s/he hears particular comments.  A commentator needs to be aware as to what are sensitive areas for another person.  Something said to one person may be “crossing the line” to that person and perfectly fine to another.

3. If someone has hurt you by something s/he has said, consider bringing it up to the person and telling that individual that you were hurt or angry at what was said.  Give the person a chance to respond by explaining or apologizing.  Perhaps the person was not aware of what s/he said or that it hurt you.

4. If you are a person who feels that a particular person has hurt or betrayed you, and you feel that you cannot address it with that person for whatever reason, learn to “let go, let God”.  Don’t engage in a vendetta against that person.  Why do you need to continue to rip that person?  Examine your true motives and agenda. Take the high road if you are able. 

5. If you are a negative person who focuses on finding what is wrong with everyone and every thing, turn over a new leaf.  That negative energy is hurting your health and your friendships. This is not to suggest that people need to become “polyannas” who are “excessively and blindly optimistic”.   Naivete’ and not seeing and dealing with real issues is not a healthy way to live either.

May each of us become more aware as to what comes out of our mouth towards others. Words spoken cannot be retrieved and the consequences can be hurtful. The bottom line needs to be respect – given and received.

                 

— Dr. Stathas is a counseling psychologist, licensed marriage and family Therapist, in the Lake Oconee area. He is the founder of the Stathas Life Development Center. He can be reached at (706) 473-1780. E-mail: Stathas@plantationcable.net Web site: drstathas.googlepages.com.