By Dr. John Stathas
Lake Oconee Breeze
LAKE OCONEE —
In most people’s minds anger is perceived as negative, unhealthy - something to be feared and avoided. If people get angry they are automatically wrong. Not totally true.
There is an energy chart of emotions that guide our lives and elicit various behaviors. The bottom step is fear. You've heard the expression “frozen in fear.” Fear shuts you down — limited energy is available. Therefore, limited action of any sort can take place.
On the second step up is sadness/depression. Again, there is limited energy available for effective action. This person is just coping, surviving not thriving.
Moving up the energy ladder is anger. Anger has much more energy. Anger is an adrenalin surge. Anger activates. The angry person does something. The key here is what is the anger driven behavior? Is it productive or destructive.
Popular understanding characterizes anger as the “bad guy.” Anger hurts people. Anger is mean spirited. True enough. Anger also defends — oneself and another. If a person is fearful or hurt anger can come to the rescue. Anger has a power about itself.
The key to using anger is that it be controlled and constructive, used for a good purpose. Anger differs from rage, which usually is out of control and destructive. Rageful people are to be avoided. They are dangerous. The rager needs help. It is important for the rager to calm down, assess what has caused this intense emotion, and then shift to righteous anger, if needed, and constructively deal with the provocative issue. An example of this could be for a person to sit down and write why such intense feelings have arisen. Often the time taken and the writing will calm the person down and elicit a more rational, non rageful, emotional and behavioral response.
As I have written before, essentially there are two types of people with regard to emotional energy expenditure. The emotionally retentive tends to have limited access to the emotion of anger. He or she holds most feelings in and then, occasionally, lets off steam with an emotional over reaction. This type of person is often prone to fear and depression. Some form of addictive unhealthy behavior usually is a part of this person's make up. The emotionally expressive person usually has quick access to the emotion of anger. Anger protects the person from the negative debilitating emotions of fear and sadness. Rarely does a person who has anger access get depressed. They get their “junk” out, they “let go” of negative feelings.
The bottom line here is that there is a place for anger in a healthy person's emotional repertoire. A person who is not capable of anger is a weak and impotent person. Anger is a strength if used constructively. By that I mean to protect, defend and assert. (As an aside: it was anger that fueled Jesus’ behavior as he drove the money changers from the temple. He was protecting this holy place).
May you have access to your anger and use it beneficially to make your world and those of others a safer, more secure and loving place. Such conditions are necessary prerequisites in allowing love to evolve. The emotional energy of love is the apex of the energy chart. May you enjoy experiencing the emotion of love more than any other lesser energized emotion!
— Dr. Stathas is a counseling psychologist, licensed marriage and family Therapist, in the Lake Oconee area. He is the founder of the Stathas Life Development Center. He can be reached at (706) 473-1780. E-mail: Stathas@plantationcable.net Web site: drstathas.googlepages.com.
