I am always looking for ideas to present that touch on the way people live. My hope is that my articles might entice you the reader to be more aware of certain aspects of your life and that you will be able to create a happier life as a result. My daughter, Brittany, loves quotes and lyrics and often passes them on to me for my enlightenment and edification. A recent offering included the lyrics from the song ‘She Don’t Tell Me To’ by Montgomery Gentry.

These lyrics resonate within me for a number of reasons. First, some of the lyrics:

Every now and then, on my way home

I stop at a spot where the wild flowers grow, an’ pick a few,

‘Cause she don’t tell me to…

Well I got demons and I got pride,

But when I’m wrong, I apologize like she’s mine to lose,

‘Cause she don’t tell me to.

Well, I got dreams in this heart of mine

but nothin’ that I wouldn’t lay aside if she asked me to.

‘Cause she don’t tell me to…

Any other woman I know would have tried,

to control me and it would be over.

Plannin’ on my goin’ on my way attitude.

And all that stubbornness melts away,

when I wake with her head on my shoulder,

An’ I know I’ve got to love her,

until my life is through,…

‘Cause she don’t tell me to.

In a romantic relationship, two adults try to love each other. How to do that sometimes is unclear, but one thing is for true: You don’t have a right to tell the other person what to do! Not about anything. Ask, yes. Invite, yes. Tell, no. It is a form of talking down to someone. It doesn’t feel good for the person being told what to do.

You wouldn’t believe how often I hear a person say to me that his/her spouse told them to do this or that. Oftentimes I hear a man tell me that he has to get right home after a tennis or golf match because his wife has her “honey-do” list awaiting him. Ugh. Certainly spouses have responsibilities as partners to share the load of life together, but neither one has a right to tell the other what his/her job is or how to do it. A willingness to do your share, good communication, and, perhaps, negotiation leads to the chore list for each person.

The same goes for giving advice, which is a cousin of telling. If you want to give advice, ask permission. If you desire advice, ask for it. This is basic respect for another.

Certain liberties of communication are sometimes taken with spouses that would not be taken with a friend. Should not a spouse to given the ultimate of respect and consideration?