“Orphan”

Rated R for disturbing violent content, some sexuality and language



One thing for sure: adoption activists will not be pleased with “Orphan.” In fact, a line spoken by the orphan in “Orphan” (“It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own”) was pulled from the trailer due to objections from adoptive parents and foster care organizations.

I don’t want to spoil the story, but here is the gist: parents of two (children) lose their third child (stillbirth). I suppose the mother, Kate Coleman (played by Vera Farmiga), can’t have another child so she and her architect husband, John (played by Peter Sarsgaard), go to a local Catholic orphanage and pick up a girl with a slight Russian accent. (I know, I didn’t know it was that easy — or that there were such things as orphanages as depicted in the movie.)

Anyway, the kid is both very talented and weird. For example: she is an accomplished painter and pianist and she wears Victorian clothes with ribbons on her wrist and neck. No child likes her at school and she is tormented by them.

Her adoptive brother, Danny, an exceedingly annoying and snotty child if I ever saw one — with a haircut that just begs for a shearing — takes an immediate dislike to his new adoptive sister … and vice versa. The other birth-child, Max (a girl, not a boy), is deaf and establishes a bond with her new “big sister.”

Soon, people start getting hurt, one dies, and then the family starts disintegrating. It seems that Mom becomes suspicious. She thinks that her new adopted child is a “bad seed.” And very much like that great classic movie (“The Bad Seed” with Patty McCormack), the child is a monster in bows.

Frankly, the movie is too long, by 20 minutes. Too many scenes depend on scary music and an over dependence on the “Boo!!!” factor. Long stretches of waiting, waiting, waiting … then BAM! … does not a horror film make.

Also, I don’t mean to sound like a socialist, but anybody who lives in a $3 million house with two children should not wallow in self-pity and collect a child simply to fill the void created by a child stillborn. It seems rather selfish and self-indulgent to me. Bourgeois BS.

Also, there is a scene where the parents get frisky in the kitchen. And the odd child happens to catch a glimpse of the couple in flagrante delicto. What a surprise! While they were dropping their drawers to commence to wiggle ‘n’ giggle, I wanted to hose them down for their irresponsibility. That just isn’t right.

On the other hand, the film has a few positive, well-crafted scenes. Is it worth the price of admission? No. I would suggest it is not. It might be worth watching on TV on Friday night with a pepperoni pizza and a couple of high-end beers. By the third beer, the film might seem better than it really is.

Frankly, as I write this, I am getting a bit nostalgic for watching “The Bad Seed” with that evil tyke perfectly played by Patty McCormack. Even now, I shudder when I think of the classic line: “What will you give me for a basket of kisses?”

Rent it. And order up some pizzas and get the cold beer. And forget “Orphan.” Monsters are both born and adopted.

“Orphan” adopts two bow ties out of five.