In a committed relationship there are many adjustments that need to be made over time for a growthful harmonious relationship.  This article focuses on some of the sexual adjustments that need to be made.  Each of these factors does not exist for every couple, but some do for all.

1. Dating and early marriage sex is different than sex later in marriage.  This is largely due to the newness of the relationship and the biochemical P.E.A. (Phenylethylalamine) in the brain. The P.E.A. “peters out” and if the endorphin chemical does not kick in, sex is not very good.

2. Presence of children in the home affects sexual activity.  For some people it is the fear that the kids will walk in and see coupling.  Also, kids drain energy and rob you of sleep. Thus, your drive and capacity for sex is diminished.  And then there are the parents who focus too much on the kids and do no not nurture the romantic relationship, therefore, distance and resentments develop.

3. Marriage elicits an emotional vulnerability in you.  Your emotional wiring implanted by previous sexual experiences enters into your marriage sex.  Certain parts of the body are to be avoided or particular sexual practices become undesirable and taboo in the marriage relationship.

4. Aging, illness, injury all create their own sexual changes.  Loss of libido, sexual drive, and capacity to perform diminish as a result of these factors.  Male and females have unique idiosyncratic challenges is these areas.  In many cases there are remedies available to maximize a pleasurable sensual experience.  “Making love” takes on different meaning and form over the years.

5. Timing and mood are important factors in sexual activity.  Your time of day, month, or year may not be the same as your partner’s. Your mood may not coincide with him or her.  Communication and understanding are vital here.

6. How you react to being desired or rejected is important.  Who takes the risk, the initiative? Your partner many want you but you are not in the same place.  You may want your partner and s/he is not accommodating.  How do you handle the feelings of being rejected?

Sexual activity between partners is all about “making love”.  How, when, and where may change, but hopefully the “why” continues in some form or fashion – because “we love each other”.  And if you love each other you bring the best you can to your partner and willingly accept the limitations of your partner, knowing s/he is bringing his or her best to you.

These listed topics are but the tip of the iceberg in terms of adjustments needed for shared sexual activity in committed partners over periods of time.  I hope they have shed some light, caused you to address your sexual issues, communicate and do whatever is necessary to improve, if needed, your

love-making.

— Dr. Stathas is a counseling psychologist, licensed marriage and family Therapist, in the Lake Oconee area. He is the founder of the Stathas Life Development Center. He can be reached at (706) 473-1780. E-mail: Stathas@plantationcable.net Web site: drstathas.googlepages.com.