Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Most people on earth’s planet have heard of Dr. John Gray’s description of men and women differences using this Mars-Venus planet characterization. Dr. Gray, using his latest culled research, has written about how men and women react to stress in different ways.

Dr. Gray’s thesis is that this age is one of unprecedented levels of stress for both men and women and that it is taking its toll on relationships. Couples too often are exhausted, drained, and overwhelmed. This condition is not conducive to being connected and affectionate. Thus, individuals often feel isolated, unappreciated, and neglected. Change is needed!

Couples can reduce stress and thrive when they feel safe and nurtured. Understanding men and women’s unique response to stress gives a new perspective on communication and how to give and receive support. By becoming aware of such differences, alternative approaches can overcome passionless distance and resentment.

So, how do men and women differ in response to stress? First, the big picture. There are physiological reasons why women find comfort in talking about their problems and men prefer to retreat into isolation. Also, women are able to multitask and remember most everything while men compartmentalize and focus on one thing at a time. To quote Dr. Gray: “When a man needs time alone or doesn’t want to talk about it, it doesn’t mean that he care less for his partner. When a woman wants to talk about her day, it doesn’t mean she is excessively needy or high maintenance.”

Some of the other Mars-Venus differences based on the brain help to explain:

1. Why women want to talk and talk and why men rush women to get to the point and get on with decision making.

2. Why, when faced with danger, men’s visual cortex is more stimulated than a woman’s, and therefore takes more risks, is more impatient and impulsive. A woman’s brain is more connected to feeling than it is to action.

3. Why women never forget a quarrel. Women’s brains are larger in the area associated with emotional remembering.

Men’s testosterone levels fall during the day. At the end of the day his body must relax and restore itself. If not, he is moody, irritable or passive, and libido challenged. Testosterone stimulates stress reduction in men.

Women need the hormone oxytocin for stress reduction. Oxytocin is the social attachment hormone. Oxytocin levels deplete when feeling ignored or abandoned.

Oxytocin gives a rush in both male and female orgasm. It reduces blood pressure, cortisol levels, and fear. Calmness and closeness are the result.

Dr. Gray further elaborates on brain differences in his book as well as gives techniques to bring couples closer together. Such techniques include minimizing fights and learning to reconnect.

This is an interesting practical book that helps both men and women understand some basic differences that exist between the sexes. Fueled with this knowledge a couple is more capable of developing a loving relationship that avoids collision and creates a more unified connection.

Dr. Stathas is a Counseling Psychologist, licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, in the Lake Oconee area. He is the Founder of the Stathas Life Development Center. He can be reached at (706) 473-1780. Email: Stathas@plantationcable.net. Web site: drstathas.googlepages.com. His blog: drstathas.com