Thursday, September 15, was an historic day for Sherry and me.  We became grandparents for the first time. Our daughter, Brittany and her wonderful husband, David, brought Hailey Ann Dixon into this world. The birthing event was a love fest with family gathered with excitement and support.

Hailey will have a wonderful life.  Hailey is a child of two parents who love each other and are ready by every measure to help her become all she is capable of being.  Brittany and David have readied themselves for this parental role by developing a plan, through good communication, that includes financial goals, and roles and responsibilities of each of them in various domains. Their commitment  is to put their marriage first and nurture it well so that Hailey can feel secure. Such security leads to optimal brain development, both intellectually and emotionally.

It is important that we, as grandparents, know and practice the “Rules” appropriate to support our children in their parenting. A reminder follows:

1.    Support your kids raising their kids.  The grandkids are not your kids.

2.    Don’t give advice unless asked for by the parents.  This is one of the toughest to follow.

3.    Learn how to connect with, and be a positive influence in the grandkid’s life without usurping the authority of the parents.

4.    Be there when needed, but do not impose.  Also, do not be “used” by the parents if they abdicate their responsibility.

5.    Don’t spoil the kids. Stay within the parameters of behavior/discipline/rewards established by the parents.

6.    Learn when to keep your mouth shut. Certain comments or observations are unnecessary and create bad feelings.

7.    You are not the only grandparents. Sharing and balance is needed with the other grandparents and members of the “extended” family.

8.    Work through and with the parents – not around them.

9.    Be familiar with the parents’ priorities involving safety, health, feeding, discipline, hygiene, etc… and reinforce their desires through your actions.

10.    Love ‘em with all your heart!

Being a grandparent can be a wonderful experience if you follow the rules and give the love and support that your children need for their sacred opportunity to raise a child. If such a condition exists where you are estranged from your children or they are truly doing a poor job of parenting then some type of action on your part would be appropriate.  A knowledgeable Family therapist can be of assistance in such situations should they exist.

Hopefully, you as grandparents, or grandparents-to-be, will be as blessed as Sherry and I are to be the grandparents of a special child and share in her growth along with her parents.

Dr. Stathas is a Counseling Psychologist, licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, in the Lake Oconee area. He is the Founder of the Stathas Life Development Center. He can be reached at (706) 473-1780. Email: Stathas@plantationcable.net. Web site: drstathas.googlepages.com. His blog: drstathas.com