Self-confidence is a valuable mental health asset to have. Self-confidence feeds success in most any endeavor that you undertake. How you feel about yourself, self-esteem, coupled with concomitant self-confidence leads to winning experiences in whatever you do. Social self-confidence, people skills, is a learned attribute. Some people have not learned it. Extremes are the very shy to the complete boor. The following are some tips to enhance your self-confidence in social situations.

Hana Estroff Marano has written an excellent article in this regard. I would like to share her eight recommendations along with some of my input.

SCHEDULE YOUR SOCIAL LIFE: You have to invest time in being in social situations with people. Look for such opportunities by both inviting people to get together with you, by accepting invitations that may come your way, and finding situations in which you can join.

THINK POSITIVE: Insecure people approach others anxiously, feeling that they have to prove that they’re witty or interesting. Self-assured people expect others to respond positively, looking for the good in people and situations.

ENGAGE IN SOCIAL RECONNAISSANCE: Socially competent people are skilled at information gathering. They are attuned to people’s expressions and interests, aware, too, if the others are ready to engage in conversation. When in the conversation make comments that are connected to the people and social situation. Display interest.

ENTER CONVERSATIONS GRACEFULLY: Timing is everything. Know when to come in and how to do it. Look for an appropriate opening, make your entry, and know how to back off and foster others to participate.

LEARN TO HANDLE FAILURE: Everyone will at some time be rejected. The socially confident person does not take rebuffs personally. They are resilient and assume that it is a result of such factors as incompatibility, someone else’s bad mood or a misunderstanding. No need to obsess here about this mis-connect.

MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS: Social situations can be very complex and dynamic. Verbal and non-verbal cues, facial expressions, voice tones all have impact, which may result in a myriad of felt emotion. It is important to control any negative emotions that may arise such as anger, fear and anxiety.

DEFUSE DISAGREEMENTS: Conflict is inevitable and coping with confrontations is a critical skill. No need to escalate. Socially confident people stop conflict by apologizing if appropriate, make a peace offering, negotiate or just change the subject.

LAUGH A LITTLE: Appropriate humor is the most prized social skill. Laughing together with others is most connecting. Emphasis here is “appropriate” humor.

When you have high self esteem and feel socially confident there is an extra lilt in your voice, a more positive energy is exuded. People look forward to being in your company. Hope these tips have added to your awareness and skill sets. I look forward to being with you!

Dr. Stathas can be reached at (706) 473-1780. E-mail: Stathas@plantationcable.net.