Moving to a new neighborhood or city is often detrimental to children. I assert this because of research and my own clinical experience.

In a recent study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology the researchers found that “the stress of moving on children may carry negative effects on mental health and happiness in adulthood. People who had moved more as children were more likely to report lower life style satisfaction and psychological well being regardless of age, gender and educational level. These people also said they had fewer quality social relationships in adulthood than those who had moved less.”

When children move to different places they are forced to leave their friendships behind and make new ones, which is not always easy. Introverts have a harder time joining a new social circle and developing close relationships than more outgoing kids. Therefore the shy ones have more of a negative experience adjusting.

My clinical experience confirms this. For twenty plus years my practice was in North Atlanta. In this area people moved often. There are many corporate jobholders in this area, which usually means Dad, and occasionally Mom, gets transferred to a new city. Thus the kids move.

I have worked with many children from six to seventeen who have spoken of how difficult it was to “break in” to a new social milieu. Age is a big factor here. The older the child is the greater the challenge to be included in the desired social group. The very worst time to move in when the child is in the last two years of high school. Social units tend to be closed to newcomers at this stage.

In my practice I have worked with adults who have had various psychological and relationship issues that, in part, have resulted from childhood moves and the difficulty in such adjustments. An example of this would be a person who would not form close friendships because of the underlying, and sometimes unconscious, fear that a move by either one would result in hurt and loss of that friendship. Related to this are people who have intimacy issues with a love relationship. “Don’t get too close” is the message encoded in the brain. The relationship may end. Therefore the emotional, and sometimes sexual, wall stays in place.

Sometimes a child will do harmful things in order to get accepted by the desired peer group. Various types of acting out might include bravado, promiscuity, drug usage, stealing – especially during the teen years. When kids cannot get into their desired social group they often “drop down” to a lesser quality group. Self-esteem suffers, grades drop and undesirable behavior often increases.

Certainly not every child that moves is negatively affected by such a move. Sometimes there is no undesirable effect. Sometimes the impact shows up later in a person’s life. Sometimes the move is beneficial for a number of positive outcomes. Each situation needs to be looked at for possible benefit or negative outcome.

This information presents a significant problem to well-intentioned parents who feel that such a move is necessary for career advancement and the related income production for the family. Like anything else in life there are trade-offs to consider. What is gained by such a move, what is lost? “Every decision involves an incision.”

To make the best decision possible parents need to take a number of variables into consideration. If the ultimate decision is to move, how can this best be handled with minimal negatives for the child(ren)? A mental health professional has expertise to assist in this transition as well as helping you as an adult to recognize and deal with ramifications of your moves as a child. Be assured there are some.

Stability breeds confidence and greater capacity to emotionally and physically connect with another person. People who have not had such stability tend to be more superficial and emotionally guarded in their relationships.

If moving to another neighborhood, past or present, is an issue for you, please take the time to examine its implications for you and those you love.

 

Dr. Stathas can be reached at 706-473-1780. E-mail: Stathas@plantationcable.net.