I receive much feedback from readers. I welcome it and gain insight as to what topics speak to certain people. Some say that I shouldn’t write about love-making (mostly women). Some offer topics (usually at a cocktail party when someone has been “over served”). Some like a quiz to check up on how they (or someone else) are doing. So here goes a quiz.

This quiz, complete with scoring and interpretation, is courtesy of author Laura Doyle. I will present it in its entirety. Finish each question with a “rarely”, “sometimes”, or “frequently”. Do you…

1. Feel superior to your husband?
2. Nag your husband?
3. Commiserate with other women about your husband?
4. Hear yourself say, “I told my husband…”?
5. Think that everything would be fine if your husband would do what you tell him to do?
6. Eavesdrop on your husband’s conversations?
7. Feel like the only adult in the family?
8. Feel over burdened in parenting your children?
9. Do things for your husband that he is capable of doing for himself?
10. Have recurring anxiety and depression?
11. Feel exhausted?
12. Find either of you are disinterested in sex?
13. Feel resentful or jealous about your husband’s victories in life?
14. Reject or criticize his gifts?
15. Fantasize about divorce or life with a man who would better match you?
16. Discount the reasons you chose your husband in the first place?
17. Feel hopeless about your marriage because your needs have gone unmet for so long?
18. Have a hard time trusting your husband in even small matters?
19. Find yourself trying to control your husband?
20. Get angry with your husband when he makes a poor decision?

Now it is time to total your score and find out what it means. Give yourself five points for each “rarely”, three points for each “sometimes, and one point for each “frequently”. Add them up and see what’s there.

In Ms. Doyle’s thinking:

If your score is 35 or less: You’re probably wondering what the heck you ever saw in this guy! But not to worry – the tenderness you seek may just be dormant. If you remember the reasons you agreed to marry him in the first place and start respecting him for those reasons, you can still have the marriage you dreamed was possible. Find the courage to stop controlling your husband today. You won’t be sorry. You can transform your marriage starting now.

If your score is 36 to 60: It’s hard to tell because you make it look easy, but you’re doing too much and you need a break. Start to take better care of yourself and ask for help more often. Your vulnerability will be rewarded if your husband feels respected. Thank your husband for his contributions and you will be well on your way to igniting passion and achieving intimacy.

If your score is 61 or above: Congratulations! Your marriage is very intimate and passionate. You found a man you respect, and the two of you have a positive impact on each other. This union is a healthy mix of individuality and togetherness. You practice good self-care, you’re quick to apologize, and he adores you for it.

Well, what do you think, Ladies? Does this inventory tell you anything about yourself or your marriage? Does Ms. Doyle speak to you with her interpretation of the scores? You Men who may have joined in, what are your thoughts and feelings? Might the two of you discuss these matters?

Quizzes invite you to think about the questions that matter. They raise awareness in a particular area of thought. Hopefully this exploration has had benefit and provoked further discussion and possible change where warranted.

 

Dr. Stathas can be reached at 706-473-1780. E-mail: Stathas@plantationcable.net.