Trust can be rebuilt by taking these steps
Published 7:35 am Thursday, July 11, 2013
Trust can be destroyed in many ways by a variety of people in many life situations. When trust is broken the violated one often puts up protective walls and establishes boundaries that say “Do not enter!” Such defenses may be expressed with angry push aways or hurt withdrawals.
Trust can be destroyed in marriages around such issues as money, sex, abuse – and more. Trust can be seriously damaged in families by bad parenting and irresponsible kids – and more. Trust can deteriorate friendships by certain hurtful verbiage or actions – and more. Trust can be violated by dishonest business and financial transactions – and more.
In some cases when trust has been broken the true character of the offender becomes clear. In such cases it may be wise to keep the wall up – the boundary maintained. The same holds true when irreparable damage has been done and the violated person feels that s/he is not willing, or capable, to be open to that individual.
There are many situations, however, where the victim of the trust violation desires to heal the relationship and re-establish trust with the dishonest trust-breaker who also wants to re-establish a healthier relationship.
In such situations where trust is to be renewed and the infractions healed, certain steps may be taken to give the best opportunity for success. A few of these would be:
- An openness by both parties to re-connect.
- An apology by the trust violator.
- An acceptance of the apology by the violated one.
- Establish good communication that would clarify the process of healing and building trust.
When I facilitate or mediate such a trust re-connection I ask the violated one what s/he needs from the violator to begin the process of healing the wound and opening up again to that person. If the violator can agree to these conditions then the healing process can begin.
Such a re-building process takes time, sometimes a very long time. The desired, and agreed upon, conditions need to take place with consistency over a period of time. If this happens the violated one can begin to lower the walls and slowly let the other in with some degree of trust.
Depending on the extent and the severity of the trust infraction it may be wise to use a Mediator who could move the process forward with the minimum display of anger, blaming or other negative verbiage and actions that could detour or destroy the process.
When trust has been broken the individuals need to search their souls to see if they really want to attempt the re-building of trust. Is a positive outcome desired? And possible?
In my practice I witness many a tarnished relationship where trust has been broken. I encourage each person to give it a try so that some healing may occur, especially if the situation necessitates some form of continued interaction. In most cases a healed relationship is a better outcome than staying distrustful.
Respected Reader, do you have broken relationships because of trust violations? Were you the victim or the violator? Do you want to work on re-building trust? It may be worth a try!
Dr. Stathas can be reached at 706-473-1780; e-mail: Stathas@plantationcable.net; web site: DrStathas.googlepages.com; blog: drstathas.com.