‘Don Jon’ uses testosterone for laughs
Published 7:17 am Thursday, October 3, 2013
I am out of town so I had to go see “Don Jon” simply because I care nothing about race cars (“Rush”) and am much more interested in a movie about Internet porn. So, when I, and “She” who insists on being my tag along, entered our out-of-town theatre (where no one knows my name) a young chap, who could have been our grandson (although “She” would insist he could only be our very young nephew — feel free to roll your eyes), warned us that the movie was “graphic…very graphic.” We, of course, knew that the film was about a guy who loves pornography, meaningless sex and self-gratification.
The ticket taker’s concern for our sensitivities touched Grandma Tagalong so much she chattered and cooed with him and practically made a move to pinch the little tyke’s cheeks.
Having some tiny remaining amount of dignity deep in my breast, I left her. After nigh on to 37 years of witnessing such displays, I strode away with the hope that on-lookers and Pink-Cheeks would assume “She” was just knocking on the door of early dementia. I am not sure how that comic sketch ended.
The laddie was indeed correct; the first fifteen minutes are not what one expects in a romantic comedy. “Don Jon” is played by the film’s writer and director Joseph Gordon-Levitt (he was the child actor in “Third Rock from the Sun”). He plays an Italian-American who lives in New Jersey. We know he is a stereotypical blue collar “Jersey Italian-American” because his father is played by Tony Danza and they eat pasta all the time and both men insist on wearing wife-beater tee-shirts — at the dinner table no less — while sucking up the noodles with gravy. (Note I called it gravy, not sauce.)
As we learn from the trailers: “he loves his family, his car, his boys, his girls (a different one — all of them 10s — each and every week), his church (Catholic, of course) and his (Internet) porn.” So what do you expect to see, “Love Story”; a couple romping through the park, chaste kissing and fully clothed rolling down a hill? Give this old man a break. This is the stuff that happens after the music swells and the camera pans to the crashing surf and the sea gulls do the orgasmic squawking.
Film is all about symbolism, you know.
Jon loves sex. He and his boys go to a club, they rate the girls and then Jon goes in for the kill, takes her home, but it just isn’t enough. So he leaves the bed while his lover de jour sleeps and he pops open his laptop for some Internet porn. And on weekdays he looks at porn and “self-gratifies.” His voice over narration explains his reasons why, but we know why: he has unrealistic expectations about women and sex. After all, our culture objectifies women to sell hamburgers, jewelry, deodorant, cars, football… just about everything.
His mother whines about not having grandchildren. When is he going to find the ‘right’ girl she regularly asks. Then he meets “The Girl.” But she won’t give him his required one-night-stand: Barbara (Scarlett Johansson playing a Jersey Girl to gum-smacking, chop-shop nail salon perfection) has standards. He is smitten. He takes her home and Papa Danza drools all over her large, uh, curves. But soon, she catches him with his porn and he is forbidden to ever do that. And then she tells him to change in other ways. Pretty soon, he is picking out curtains and not allowed to wander about the store looking for manly things. It seems Barbara thinks a man should do whatever the woman wants and in return the woman should tell the man he should do whatever the woman wants. (I believe I have heard that philosophy before.)
All along the way, we get to hear Jon go to confession. He grows, or maybe he doesn’t. Then some other stuff happens; Julianne Moore in an interesting friendship for example. I am saying nothing more; it would spoil the story. My favorite part(s) in the movie were those confession scenes. I loved hearing this young man, clearly sexually delusional and blissfully shallow, tell his priest his sins. I also liked his screaming and yelling at other drivers while on his way to pray and ask forgiveness. This guy is clueless about sex and about life in general. He is a man-boy in more ways than having porn under his bed or on his laptop.
This is a very quirky film and it is for adults who are not offended by glimpses of pornography (actually soft porn — if you don’t know the difference, please look it up on the Internet — but not that way! — before you go) or the frank and crude opinions about sex and women that Jon describes graphically in his narration.
Is it funny? Yes. Crude and offensive? Absolutely! Does it make one think about sex and immature relationships between men and women? Without a doubt. Does it ring true? Loud and clear whether we want to admit it or not.
Women should see it to understand how the male libido thinks (or not thinks) and men should see it to learn how their testosterone can be, and often is, a key ingredient to foolishness and misery.
“Don Jon” earns three-and-a-half bow ties. (And don’t you dare go by my score alone: read the entire review.)
Note to Mother: Don’t go see this one. I liked it, but you would have a severe case of “the vapors.”