When I counsel clients/patients I begin with trying to understand how they perceive themselves, their relationships, and other pertinent areas of concern for them. Your perception is your reality. Your brain development, particularly in the right brain where emotions reside, and the developmental stage you are in, provide a good starting point toward problem resolution and optimal functioning. Age is primary in this. Your age affects the way you perceive events.

David Brooks recently wrote a thought provoking article in the New York Times in which he stereotyped each age from the 20s to the 80s. I will share this with you, adding my own comments along the way. No matter what age you are I believe you will get some insight from Mr. Brooks’ observations.

The 20s: “You should regard yourself as an Ayn Randian, Superman who is the architect of the wonder that is you. This is the last time of your life that you will find yourself truly fascinating, so you might as well take advantage of it. … This sense of possibility will unleash feverish energies that will propel you forward.” The 20s person often is brimming with confidence, albeit often naively, how s/he will be awesomely successful. Some reality checks have not yet surfaced.

The 30s and 40s: “You begin to think like a political scientist. You’ll have a lower estimation of your own power and a greater estimation of the power of the institutions you happen to be in. You’ll still have faith in your own skills, but it will be more the skills of navigation, not creation. You’ll adapt to the rules and peculiarities of your environment. … You’ll understand that the crucial question isn’t what you want, but what the market wants.” Ah, reality. This is a time of a more deepened understanding of who you are and what kind of life you want to live. Significant changes of course take place here as you try to max out what is possible in combining a personal and professional life that is satisfying.

The 50s and 60s: “You will become a sociologist, understanding relationships are more important than individuals. … You will find yourself in the coaching phase of life, enjoying the dreams of your underlings. Ambition, like promiscuity, is most pleasant when experienced vicariously. You’ll find yourself thinking back to your own mentors, newly aware of how much they shaped your path. Even though the emotions of middle-aged people are kind of ridiculous, you’ll get sentimental about the relationships you benefitted from and the ones you are building.”

Having accomplished your dreams or realizing that they are no longer attainable, you look more closely at your primary relationships and assess whether some form of modification needs to take place to bring more happiness into your life.

The 70s and 80s: “You’ll be like an ancient historian. Your mind will bob over the decades and then back over the centuries, and you’ll realize how deeply you were formed by the ancient traditions of your people. … You’ll be struck by the astonishing importance of luck, the fact that you took this bus and not another, met this person and not another.” A person’s enculturation from times past has an unbelievable impact on life choices and directions. More on this topic in a forthcoming article. I am fascinated by this reality.

Respected Reader, I invite you to look at what age you are and to what degree the above descriptions fit your life. Mr. Brooks writes for a relatively intellectual constituency and, surely, “one shoe does not fit all,” but it would be interesting to know if a part of the “shoe fits.” This article is another one in my quest to encourage you to reflect on your life and determine where you are, have been, and where you want to go. Because…

Dr. Stathas is a Counseling Psychologist, licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, in the Lake Oconee area. He is the founder of the Stathas Life Development Center. He can be reached at 706-473-1780. Email: Stathas@plantationcable.net. Website: drstathas.googlepages.com. Blog: drstathas.com.