Emotional Intelligence is important for life success. Believe it! Do you know what “Emotional Intelligence” is? You would be well served to understand it and do all you can to enhance your ability to have more of it.

Preston Ni has written an interesting article about enhancing your Emotional Intelligence. His definition is “the ability to understand, manage, and effectively express one’s own feelings, as well as engage and navigate successfully with those of others.”

People who score high on emotional intelligence tend to be skilled at interpreting, understanding, and acting to resolve social or emotional conflicts, expressing their feelings, and dealing with emotional situations.

If you have the desire to develop greater emotional intelligence, you want to enhance these abilities:

1. The ability to deal with one’s negative emotions. Ralph Waldo Emerson said: “We become what we think about all day long”. It is important to effectively manage our negative emotions so that they don’t overwhelm us and affect our judgment. If order to change how we feel about a situation, it is important to change the way we think about it. I have written in the past about Dr. Daniel Amen’s approach. It is called ANT therapy, killing “Automatic NegativeThoughts.

2. The ability to stay cool under pressure. “Trouble comes from the mouth” – Chinese proverb. How we handle stressful situations can make the difference between being assertive or reactive, poised versus frazzled. Tips to assist here would include: taking a deep breath and counting to ten; put cold water on your face and get some fresh air; intense aerobic exercise; go into nature and clear your head. There are others. Each person must find what works.

3. The ability to read social cues. “We don’t see things as they are. We see things are we are” – Anais Nin. When you see an expression from someone that you don’t understand fully, come up with at least two possible interpretations before jumping to a conclusion. Widening your perspective on the situation can reduce the possibility of misunderstanding. “A negative look from someone else may mean nothing more than they’re constipated”. – Daniel Amen. Try to not over personalize. Also, seek clarification when needed. Then compare the person’s words with body language and behavior to check for congruency.

4. The ability to be assertive and express difficult emotions when necessary. “Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.” – Harriet Lerner. Avoid using sentences that begin with “you” and followed by accusation or judgment.

5. The ability to express intimate emotions in close personal relationships. The ability to express and validate tender, loving emotions is essential to maintaining close personal relationships. These expressions should be honest, nourishing, and constructive. To be able to give and receive such communication is the goal. “A person’s heart withers if it does not answer another heart”- Pearl Buck.

This, in a nutshell, is what emotional intelligence is all about. I use the word “attunement” often as another descriptor for a person being truly aware and “with” another person in an appropriate manner. I hope this essay is understandable and motivating for you to enhance your ability in this area. The payoffs are incredible!