Know your ‘Achilles Heel’

Published 8:00 am Thursday, November 13, 2014

You have probably heard the expression “Achilles heel”. Do you know what it means? Where it comes from? Implications for you?

In Homer’s Iliad, Achilles was a Greek warrior, the best. Some thought him to be immortal. This “immortality” was linked, according to legend, to the fact that his mother, in an attempt to make him immortal, took Achilles to the Styx river and dipped him. She held him by one heel. The area where her fingers held him remained dry. As the heel was not touched by these protecting water, it was the one vulnerable place on Achilles. During the Trojan war Paris, Prince of the Trojans, shot an arrow in the heel of Achilles. Because the heel was the one spot untouched by immortality, Achilles died. His one area of vulnerability lead to him downfall. (For the pop version of this tale watch the movie Troy with Brad Pitt).

In popular parlance your “Achilles heel” is your vulnerable spot – where you can be hurt. That vulnerable spot usually brings forth a defense (mechanism) to protect being hurt.

In my profession I continually look for, find, and help heal the psychological wound (“Achilles Heel”) of a person. The defense protects but it also blocks the capacity to be whole and, therefore, open to connect more deeply with yourself and with a significant other.

A few examples might elucidate:

Alan was neglected by his father, just didn’t have time for him. (“Cat’s in the Cradle”). That sense of deep rooted abandonment has resulted in a wound that brought forth a defense that Alan would not let a romantic interest develop for fear that it might lead to another abandonment.

Barbara was sexually abused by a family member. Sexuality became associated in her mind with something painful and shameful, definitely not loving. Therefore she is somewhat disconnected from sex as a defense mechanism. A Pavlovian connection between sex and hurt leads to a shutdown of feelings and, perhaps, capacity.

Carl had a traumatic experience in the military with a bomb going off nearby. The combination of comrade loss and the noise associated with this has left him vulnerable. He therefore overreacts to a loud noise and does not want to get too close to somebody for fear of another loss.

Debra had a critical over bearing Mother. Therefore, she has developed a vulnerability in this area and has developed low self esteem and has compensated (defense mechanism) by being an excessive pleaser who does everything right to make sure she is not vulnerable to criticism. She protects a deeper part of herself from ever being wrong. That protecting shell makes if difficult to get close to Debra.

I could go on forever in giving examples of people developing a shield, defense mechanism, from previous hurts to protect their “Achilles heel”. Everyone has an “Achilles heel”, or two, or three!

And yours, Respected Reader? What are your hurts and consequent vulnerability- your “Achilles Heel”? What defense mechanisms have you developed that impede a closer emotional attunement with yourself and another person? Are you ready to deal with it? Or, are you still in denial (another defense mechanism)?

Dr. Stathas can be reached at 706-473-1780. Email:Stathas@plantationcable.net. Web site: drstathas.googlepages.com. His blog: drstathas.com