Parenting a child to leave home with strengths and confidence

Published 8:00 am Thursday, December 4, 2014

Is there any greater responsibility in life than raising well our children? I don’t think so. If you chose, and hopefully have chosen, to bring a child into this world you have accepted the opportunity and responsibility to be the best parent possible to prepare your child for life ahead upon leaving your home.

Parenting is about love. To love a child includes understanding his or her developmental stages and the appropriate tasks to perform to meet the changing needs of your child.

Dr. Pilar Poal has offered wisdom on target points in an article that she wrote. She states, “Parenting is a fine balance between providing security and allowing autonomy, between holding and letting go – giving our child roots and wings.”

If you as a parent have done a good job it is probable that your child in late adolescence will move out and on to his/her next stage of life – whether it be further schooling, the military, or the labor force. Certainly your home will remain a sanctuary where he or she can come home to for short periods of time depending on the road chosen. However, the goal is not to have your adult child live with you as a way of life, except in very extreme circumstances.

I believe a person is to developmentally cut three cords in his or her life. The first is done by another, the umbilical cord. Second, the task is to cut the psychological umbilical cord when a child says to his or her parents, “I must live my own life, not necessarily the one you want for me”. And third, to quote from one of my “mentors”, Zorba the Greek, “You must cut the rope and be free” – free to live life fully, and with gusto.

Dr. Poal and her husband offered these wishes to their son as he became of age:

1. May you always have faith in your innate and developed abilities and in your capacity to overcome obstacles.

2. May you always remain hopeful about your life and the world you live in.

3. May you always be surrounded by people who care about you, to share the joyful times and support you through the difficult ones.

4. We hope that you find joy and meaning in the path you choose and that you will not only focus on having a good life, but also on making life better for others.

5. We hope that you will continually grow in your understanding of yourself and others, and that you will learn from life’s challenges.

6. We wish that you will maintain your sense of humor and be able to laugh at yourself and the world around you.

7. We wish that you can find pleasure in the simple things of life and remain aware of the wonderful small gifts that exist in each day.

8. We feel blessed for having been part of your life and are proud of the young man you have become.

Sage advice!

As a parent you are to be attuned to your child’s needs while developing his or her strengths while building confidence and self esteem. Armed with such confidence your child will choose a fulfilling destiny.

Dr. Stathas can be reached at 706-473-1780. Email: Stathas@plantationcable.net. Web site: drstathas.googlepages.com. Blog: drstathas.com