“The Kingsman: The Secret Service”

Rated R for sequences of strong violence, language and some sexual content.

 This week I, and Valentine, had two choices of movies: “50 Shades of Grey” or “The Kingsman: The Secret Service.”

In case you have lived in a monastery, convent, or underground bunker awaiting Armageddon, you know that “50 Shades of Grey” is porn-lite for 1.) young mommies who desire a snatch of erotica while chauffeuring their progeny in the family SUV to and from soccer and ballet obligations and 2.) aged grand dames who have lived a life filled of the aforementioned. Not that any of this is a bad thing.  For decades as a librarian, I feared the book censors descending upon us with complaints about the sexual bits in books that were about as ribald as an issue of Cosmopolitan. Many of that ilk are now out and about with their well-thumbed copies of that naughty novel. On one hand that is most refreshing: reading the risqué steps out of the closet. However, I hope my readers will accept the other hand: my reluctance to experience the irony. I have been wounded in the censorship wars by the very same who now are in line to see a movie about unconventional sexuality, bondage, and fantasies about a billionaire Adonis with a propensity for leather haberdashery.

We prefer Savile Row to hoods of cowhide. So, we avoided the kinkyman and went for the kingsman.

We made the right choice.

Here is a 007 movie with its tongue stuck so firmly in the proverbial cheek that a chipmunk would be struck dead from envy.

Harry Hart AKA Galahad (Colin Firth) is our James Bond who many years earlier made a mistake that caused the death of a member of his team. He offers a Get-Out-of-Jail medal to mom who rejects it so he offers it to little son Gary ‘Eggsy’ Unwin (Taron Egerton). Eggsy grows up to be a bit of a ne’er do well and when arrested uses the magic words on the medal to be sprung. Harry is there to recruit him to be a Kingsman; to join a secret-secret service that serves the British government in tailored suits and oxfords, not brogues — like a proper gentleman.

Note: this plot is about transformation, the quintessential element so often seen in comic books; courtesy of the desire to assimilate by the authors of the great comics; mostly Jews from Eastern Europe in the early twentieth century; to transform into respectability. An American classic motif, only in this case, exported across the pond.

A group of young 20ish kids go through a basic training to find one Kingsman. Meanwhile, the classic 007 Evil-Doer plots to knock-off 90 percent of the world. The Evil-Doer in this case is wickedly if not appropriately named“Valentine”and is played by Samuel L. Jackson who sparkles with a lisping menace, charm and ironic vulnerability. This actor is truly a cinematic treasure. Donald Pleasance has nothing on Mr. Jackson.

There is violence but of the comic book and comedic variety and at the end there are some naughty bits that are designed to cause the adolescent in all of us to be shocked and to snicker. But this is a delightfully amusing, respectful if not loving, parody of the 007 movies. The genre grew a bit tired and predictable, so this version breathes vitality and wit into it by featuring a new generation — and most specifically a different type of social class — to take over from the rather stale and stuffy aristocrats that strangled the life out of the franchise.

“The Kingsman: The Secret Service” was created by Mark Millar who also wrote the comic Kick-Ass. Matthew Vaughn directed the movies “Kick-Ass” and “X-Men: First Class.” This might give you an idea of the film’s character. The “Kingsman: The Secret Service” is entertainment for the comic book generation and for us geriatrics that seek a newer, younger, sleeker, irreverent, and more updated version of Bond men — and women.

If not, you might deserve being subjected to being whipped by “50 Shades of Grey”; your choice.

I grant four bow ties out of five to “The Kingsman: The Secret Service” and a bonus half bow tie to the memory of Mr. Pickles. You will have to see the movie to understand the reference.