Many men, beneath their chameleon cover, are lonely. It may not be obvious to many, but deep down there is a pervasive loneliness in many men. Research indicates that as men grow older they have a heightened risk for loneliness and isolation. Anxiety, depression, physical ailments, addictions and suicide all are more prevalent in the lonely man.

Popular music has poignantly presented this emptiness over the years. Perhaps you remember Hank Williams saying, “I’m so lonely I could cry” or Bobby Vinton saying, “Lonely, I’m so lonely. I have nobody to call my own. I’m so lonely, I’m so lonely.” James Taylor cries out with these words, “Do me wrong, do me right, tell me lies, but hold me tight. Save your goodbyes to the morning light, but don’t let me be lonely tonight.”

Stereotypically men do not handle loneliness as well as women. And there are reasons for it. Dr. John D. Moore has written a solid piece on this topic entitled “Lonely Men in America”. Dr. Moore states that one of the major reasons men struggle with loneliness is because of the “ridiculous ‘masculine blueprints’ that permeate American society.” He gives five reasons “why this worsening epidemic is literally killing them.”

1. MEN FEAR APPEARING WEAK: Men are taught to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” Translation: “don’t whine about your sh-t.”
2. MEN DON’T TALK ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS: Ingrained from birth men are taught that “real men” don’t talk about their feelings. “Big boys don’t cry” has been a drilled in mantra. To do so would leave them open to be judged as weak.
3. MANY AREN’T COMFORTABLE BEING VULNERABLE: To share feelings is to be vulnerable. Who the hell wants to be there! Staying emotionally safe is intrinsic to survival.
4. HYPERSENSITIVE ASSERTIVENESS: You’ve seen the super confident “alpha male”. A good cover to be impregnable from being vulnerable and, thus, connectable.
5. FEW BONDING OPPORTUNITIES: Younger men have more of these in such experience as sports and the military. As men grow older less opportunities are available. Thus, only superficial “bro” interactions exist instead of more bonded friendships. Therefore, loneliness.

Loneliness exists when there are no, or limited, deep caring connections with another person, or persons. If you, Respected Reader, fit into this category, look into the mirror and say to yourself that you are going to overcome these pseudo masculine “blueprints” and become more real, open, and sharing as you relate to persons who may well heal that inner loneliness. It is worth the effort. There are so many good people out there that would like to know and connect with you at a deeper level. Give it a try!