People marry. People divorce. Some people should not have married the persons they did. Some people did not work hard enough at their marriage to get through the rough times and create a solid marriage.

This writing focuses on a blog written by Brittany Wong. Ms. Wong solicited opinions from divorced persons as to any regrets they might have. I will present the regrets in italics and offer my commentary.

1. “I regret not realizing he was broken and that I couldn’t fix him.” One thing that dismays me is that so few people do an appropriate and exhaustive due diligence on a prospective mate. If people would do as much research when choosing a mate as they do buying a car there would be much less “buyer’s remorse” about the mate chosen. The second part this that said “I couldn’t fix him” says a lot. Spouses don’t “fix” each other. They may assist through love and support in helping this person heal and improve, along with the help of a Marriage Therapist, but “fix” – not!

2. “My biggest regret? Staying seven years.” Ah, the “seven year itch” finally got to this divorcee. The cliché “he who hesitates is lost” may be pertinent here. It didn’t take seven years to see that there was a problem. This person needed to get help early on and if the desired response was unbearable – move on!

3. “I regret looking past all the signs. I was ‘in love’. I thought you gave without reservations. I gave up on me.” Two fatal mistakes here. One, not paying attention to the “signs”. Second, not voting for herself and not developing a win-win partnership.

4. “I regret that we didn’t wait longer before we got married. We didn’t take the time to get to know each other beforehand.” One of my favorite mottos, borrowed from an old Holiday Inn slogan, is “the best surprise is no surprise.” Before making a significant commitment such as marriage a person needs to know the other person in depth from many vantage points. May the “surprises” be few and those that occur be positive ones.

5. “I’m sorry I didn’t see the umbilical cord still attached.” Too many newlyweds never have cut the psychological “umbilical cord” to Mommy or Daddy. They are still dependent personalities who have not become independent and, thus, capable of forming an adult interdependent relationship with another.

Ms. Wong has a few others but they basically all relate to the above themes. Too many people make the above mistakes and, thus, have serious “regrets”.

Respected Reader, where are you on the relationship continuum? Regrets? Lessons learned or continuing to make the same mistakes over and over? If so, make an enlightened effort to know what you don’t know and proceed forth to create the awesome relationship that you want and will deserve!

Dr. Stathas can be reached at 706-473-1780. Email: Stathas@plantationcable.net. Web site: drstathas.googlepages.com. Blog: drstathas.com.