Every parent wants the best for their children. Is that not true? Yet few parents know very much about parenting. All they know about parenting is what they saw growing up in their own family. Few parents do much reading about how to best parent. Thus, mistakes are made — some serious, some more trivial. Conscientious parents are open to minimizing mistakes. Therefore, for those of you who want to be the best parents possible I am sharing these thoughts relative to the topic of confidence. 

Studies have shown that confident kids experience benefits ranging from less anxiety and improved performance in school to increased resilience and healthier relationships. Who does not want to raise those kinds of kids!?

Amy Morin, professor and psychotherapist, has written on this topic. I offer those to you, Respected Reader, and add my own thoughts as well. Mistakes are the following.

1. LETTING THEM ESCAPE RESPONSIBILITY: Various age appropriate chores and other duties help them feel a sense of mastery and accomplishment. 
2. PREVENTING THEM FROM MAKING MISTAKES: No parent want to see his/her child fail, get rejected, or mess up on something. When this happens, so many parents rush to save the kids before they fall. But preventing them from making mistakes robs them of the opportunity to learn how to bounce back. This one reminds me of one of my favorite sayings, “I don’t lose, I learn.”
3. PROTECTING THEM FROM THEIR EMOTIONS: It is tempting for parents to rush in and cheer up their kids or calm them down when angry. But how parents react to a kid’s emotions has a big impact on the development of their emotional intelligence and self esteem. Parents need to help their kids identify what triggers certain emotions and teach them how to better self regulate. Help them understand why they are feeling the way they do.
4. CONDONING A VICTIM MENTALITY: Rather than allowing kids to host pity parties or exaggerate their misfortunes, encourage them to take positive action. Help them to see choices available. Such successful endeavors lead to enhanced confidence.
5. BEING OVERPROTECTIVE: Keeping a child inside a protective bubble stunts his/her development. They lose confidence and become hesitant to step outside the bubble when it is time. Let the children work through their anxiety and confidence will emerge.
6. EXPECTING PERFECTION: High expectations are healthy, but expecting too much has its negative consequences. If the kids see that the expectations are too high they might not even bother trying or they may feel as though they will never measure up. Confidence goes down. Instead, give clear and reasonable expectations for the long-term and set milestones along the way.

 

 

1. PUNISHING, RATHER THAN DISCIPLINING: Kids certainly need to learn that some actions leads to serious consequences. But there is a big difference between discipline and punishment. Kids who are disciplined think, “I made a bad choice.” Kids who are punished think “I’m a bad person.” Discipline gives a child self confidence that s/he can make better choices in the future. Punishment makes a child feel that s/he is incapable of doing any better.

Respected Reader, I hope you perceive the merit of these suggestions. If these lessons are not pertinent to your present situation, perhaps you might want to pass them on to someone who might well need to understand them. 

Dr. Stathas can be reached at 706-473-1780. Email: jstathas13@gmail.com. Website: drstathas.googlepages.com. Blog: drstathas.com. Book: “A Successful Life – Guaranteed!” at Amazon