“Touchy” subject: What kind of body do you bring to your mate?
Published 8:00 am Thursday, August 28, 2014
One of the principles I emphasize in relationship related counseling is that each person in the romantic relationship should do his or her best to bring the optimal self to the other. If your partner is the most important person in the world to you then s/he deserves your best. Areas included would be communication, time, and respect.
Often in counseling I hear one spouse say, “He is such a good communicator in his business and with our friends, but he is discourteous when speaking with me.” Or, “She has time for everybody but me.” It is not unusual for an individual to bring a better self to his/her customers or friends than to his/her spouse.
The “touchy” subject that is the point of emphasis here is the physical body that you present to your spouse day in and day out. Human beings need touch. An incentive to want to touch is the attractiveness of your partner. You probably have heard of the stereotype that once a couple gets married they let themselves go physically. They no longer bring their best to the other as they did so well while dating. Touch in its various expressions becomes less frequent. A certain emptiness results.
Certainly the ravages of time and labor, stress, and health conditions create a body that is not the same as when you were younger and seriously courting. However, each day you have a choice of how you take care of your body. Taking care of your body would include weight management, grooming and hygiene, breath and teeth care, attire, healthy eating, regular health check-ups, appropriate alcohol consumption, no tobacco use, exercise.
Of course, nobody is perfect in all these areas, but most of us could be better than we are in keeping our body as healthy and attractive as possible. Your mate deserves that. And, if s/he is not “deserving” then work on getting a better relationship.
I hope that when you come to counseling to improve your relationship that I not hear the following words.
“I don’t find you attractive anymore. Your fat belly is a turn off.”
“I don’t want to be close to you. Your clothes smell like smoke stack.”
“Your breath reeks, you don’t brush your teeth regularly, and you don’t use your deodorant.”
“I am repulsed and embarrassed when you drink too much.”
“I don’t want to be seen with you when you dress like that.”
“I do not enjoy living with a couch potato who just vegetates and gets soft.”
“I’m not going to be there to take care of you if you don’t take care of yourself and get physicals.”
I am most grateful that I live with partner who continually motivates me with her consistent efforts to bring her best to me (which is awesome) in every area of life, including the way she takes care of her health and body. I am doing my best to reciprocate. Probably could do more. I will!
Dr. Stathas can be reached at 706-473-1780. Email: Stathas@plantationcable.net. Web site: drstathas.googlepages.com. Blog: drstathas.com.