One of the hardest things for most people is to not take certain life experiences in an overly personal way. I find this one is a challenge for the clients I see and it is a challenge for me personally.

A recent event has made is abundantly clear that I am “thin skinned” in certain ways. I have a very protective personality when I, or someone special to me, is wronged. I tend to take both of these instances personally. The hurt “sticks in my craw” (whatever that is!?). It’s hard to let go.

Life’s reality is that people do things to hurt other people (insight of the week!). It is human nature to be resentful and protect yourself and other significant people in your life. The urge is to retaliate in some form or fashion – hurt the other person back. That generally doesn’t work very well.

Instead of retaliation I recommend and do my best to practice three steps:

1. Tell your truth. Don’t hold it in. “The truth shall set you free”. People that hurt other people should have their infraction called out. One it lets other people be aware so that they do not get wronged in similar fashion. Perhaps, too, the hurtful person may realize more clearly what has been done and will apologize and rectify the wrong – and, perhaps, not do it again.
2. Put a boundary between you and the hurtful persons. They cannot be trusted so do not be vulnerable. If you must interact with them, be courteous, but keep your distance.
3. Let go. Do not obsess over it. It is negative energy that does not serve your brain well. I try to keep positive thoughts in my mind toward people. When a hurtful person’s act is stuck in my mind, I work hard to get it out. “Change the channel”. A better way to live. Sometimes it takes longer than desired to release the thoughts and emotions related to the hurtful incident.

Miguel Ruiz has written a well known book entitled “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide To Personal Freedom”.

The “four agreements” are:

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.
3. Don’t make assumptions. (You’ve heard the phrase, “When you assume, you make an ass of u and me”)
4. Always do your best.

How about you, Respected Reader? Do you take things overly personally? Are you holding on to grudges and bad feelings related to past hurts? A better way is to “let go, let God!! Good luck. It is not easy, believe me!

 

Dr. Stathas can be reached at 706-473-1780; e-mail: Stathas@plantationcable.net; web site: DrStathas.googlepages.com; blog: drstathas.com.